Monday, December 11, 2006
hmmm...it is 1.45 now currently watching arsenal winning chelsea and yeah tats the way i want it.lol...manu r 6 points clear now..haix..the sense of guilt is increasing as the holidays passed man..like quite alot of ppl have a job now and r working but i am still at home slacking occasionally helping dad but tats diff case la..even though i kept telling myself tat from now till cristmas theres only 2 weeks now and no ppl in the right mind will hire a 16 year old inexperience boy for a job for 2 weeks..but the sense of guilt is just there la...zzzz and oh fuk.......chelsea equalise..haix..things just dun go the way we want dun they..tats how life goes lol.
tomoro going out with the 2j boys but some reason i dun feel enthu..true tat we had not have a gathering for ages and this might be the last we r having with no class chalet going on and stuff..but i just dun feel enthu...haix..mood swing happens so often nowadays.i worry bout this and feel sad bout tat..maybe tats part of growing up..everynite at this period of day my mood turns down because of o lev....yeah true olev is over but the fact tat the result is the impactful one still remains..throughout my scondary school life i had yet to achieve one result sheet tat is up to satisfactory and this cert is one tat i cannot cok up tats y this uneasy feeling kept haunting me...
oo..the match end le..1-1 not bad la at least chelsea didnt win.lol..
her birthday is coming soon...i realli want to get her a bday present and wish her happi birthday for the last time..but it seems ages tat i last spoke to her and it also seems tat another better guy had appeared..haix..i realli dunno wad to do liao..tues even have this stupid idea of getting a present and take it to her house wish her happi bday and leave..impratical totally crappy but not impossible.........haix..wad should i do theres no one to help or advice me i realli dunno....shall it end all like this but considering the fact tat she didnt even wish me happi bday then...am i realli thinking too much..haix..i dunno i realli dunno...i am being to hate decision making...they r just too painful to make..life realli suks man...
lets hope this sleep will cure everything if i can sleep tonite
xk stepped on your garbage at
Thursday, December 07, 2006
back at the blog again..for some reason i had tons to say perhaps is because of the free time tat i have ba.just quitted ro.told ben tat i have no mood to play le which is true..playin suddenly seems so unattractive to me now.still cant get over the matter but feeling much better le at least i realised tat she may be better off somewhere now..haix..dunno wad to do these days..theres still 3 weeks more to jc life but honesty i am not looking forward to it...
true tat i am not expecting to go to some excellent jc with my mid year score of 30 plus..halving the score is already some improvement though not enough..time will still pass and wad comes will still arrive but at least i am trying to enjoy this remainding holidays but it is not tat easy to forget bit and pieces of wad i went through....
still feeling very tired.this weariness never seems to fade no matter how much rest i take.perhaphs this is life.this a burden tat we all must carry till the day we die..all i want for now is a sense of relief from everything..my helplessness had lead me to nowherebut i am glad to see tat we r close to an end for everything..hope tat i could stick with this promise of mine not to talk to u till my heart dies..i dun wanna sink into despair again
so long for now..sweet dreams to u who r already in dreamland...nitez
xk stepped on your garbage at
Monday, December 04, 2006
another 3 months had passed...prelim is over olevs r over and even grad nite is over...life is like wad i had expected..carefree and slacking but this is getting boring..strange to find out tat this had been the life tat i had been asking for but not anymore.at first wanted to find a job but couldnt find any and on top of tat my mood is falling..i feel tired and not only tat more of regretful..i want to go back to the past.i want to reexperience wad i went through.i want to correct the mistakes i made.i want to treasure wad i had once.i want to talk to you once more..
haix..feeling veri low rite now..doesnt feel tat bad then with all sorts of things occupying me but now with all this free time my mind began to wander..i dun know wad i want then but given the chance again i wont miss it and will never miss it but it is all too late.maybe tats y it is call the past..strange tat i always miss the past hate the present and question the future.i want to be given the chance to redo everything but i did not treasure the present like now.tat y this is call life isnt it..lol.i have so much to say so much to tell but i couldnt find a listening ear and i seems like this blog is the only audience for my feelings..no one will see this extinct blog anymore but i will contains my hardfelt feeling towards everything including to u..regrets is all i can say but to wad rights can i say i deserve to be remembered by u..let all these just be a memory a past for me something for me to learn and something for me to suffer for my own weakness
xk stepped on your garbage at