Tuesday, July 03, 2007
hmm..just realised got several months nv blog le..lol..nearly forgotten bout this blog till martin mention to me couple of days ago..having a few days break now after exam..feel more relaxed now but still theres more to come..for some reason i am feeling very tired...not as the literal sense of tired but i seems to be lost..lol..sound quite lame but i feel like as if i have lost wadsoever aims tat i have..it is like i am just moving day by day...
sch still the same..tomoro gonna have boring lects and tuts again...think i kind of screw up terms as usual...can be considered as very lucky if i can get 2 h2 pass lol...theres no motivation to study n the contents is like increasing overwhelming...maybe i shouldnt have chose this combi which got 3 memo subs...kinda stress to squeeze tat much into the mind...ac seems quite of boring now...or maybe all schs r tat way..haix..maybe some interesting stuff will corp up soon..lol
everyone in the family seems dam busy nowadays...seldom have chance to talk to anyone of them anymore...even the house seems very quiet with most days preparing n eating dinner on my own..kinda used to it le..time really seems to be making a fool of me la..for days like this when i got bulk of time i got nothing to do but for days pack with stuff more things just keep coming in...maybe tats life...u wont get wad u really want..
and oh ya..table tennis..lol..seriously tt is not my first choice..playing it once in a while for reacre is still ok..but as a cca to play every week...i dunno how to get going man...who else to blame but me...my sucky procastinating to join a cca till i realise a bit late le..haix...no choice liao...just got to train till some imba standard now...
for gals...still no one tat give me the desire to push the relationship further...lol..maybe the time is still not rite bah...but hope tat feeling tat i get a few years ago will return to me soon...life getting dry without any new things...for my friends..hope everythings fine for u all..especially my sec sch friends..wont have tat much time to interact with u all after sch reopen le..jia you...
hope to be the confident and attention seeking xk tat u all know once again...so long for now.....
xk stepped on your garbage at
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
excatly one month have past since i last blogged. times really flies doesnt it..i have been in ac for more than a month since and i must say i quite like it. ac is like totally a new environment from rv in almost all aspect espcially the teachers and students(the campus i wont say much..look nice only interior sucks dam old). teachers there dun scold as much instead they sarca u until u embrassed de and this is one reason i hate being pick out by any teacher...wont be any gd stuff...
students lol...definatly more outstanding than rv ppl...i seen some guys and gals tat caught my attention straight la..so stun by their look, their bodies(not gals but guys with imba muscles) and the way they talk...dam confident like as if they dun give a dam to anyone else..to be honest i dun know if i will be as comfortable if there r not as many rvians as now..seen a lot of familiar faces around and tat dun make me feel so alone..
yesterday just had a talk with tues after so long...like we have not talk for weeks le..i realised tat martin's gal is really tat url he pasted to me lol but i seirously didnt think tat shes hes type..but well i feel happy for him now tat he had gotten out of joan's shadow finally..lol 4 years le..still shou hou..me and tues for some reason felt tat relationship is something we dun want now...i dunno y..but for me i really dun feel the need to get into a relationship anymore..is like my class seriously got some not bad gals but i just feel tat i have much more important things to do...like my studies which i neglected so much in sec4 due to her...i dun want to get into the same sitution anymore..or perhapes is just tat i cant get over her yet..
whenever she comes online i feel the urge to talk to her but it has been so long...its time to put things down..for me and her..if ac have so outstanding ppl i dun see y rj will have less..its for her to go for better choice which she deserve..have i really gotten over really dunno...but one thing for certain i want to do well now...i want to have a fresh start put down those old pressure..i really hope man..every morning i listen to devotions and chapel..really hope tat there is a god..i dun care is jeus or wad chinese,muslim,hindu god...i just want to know tat there is someone up there indeed willing to help me...
all the best for u man..u dun seems to be happy now..jia you in your life..i will be much happier if i see u happy n for tat i know is true..gd luck
xk stepped on your garbage at
Saturday, March 17, 2007
been a long time since my last blog..feeling very bored so i went to look at other ppl's blog like martin ben and tues and to my surprise they have all be consistantly blogging lol...
times seems to flying and i am now in ac though i feel that i have been too hasty in choosing my combi..but well wads done have been done so just got to try my best and do wad i can...
i wont comment much bout ac yet cause i still dun feel much bout this school but their orientation really sucks as compare to jj's..but well lets hope ac is really as fun and exciting as wad i had heard..think i got much to catch up in terms of studies..been slacking and ponning too much lesson during pae period le and now hoping tat the remindial lectures will provide me with all i need..
life seems to be as normal but relationships between me and my friends seems closer...friends like ben martin tues and the rest had nv seems as close as to each other than now..probably is because we wont see each other in school again tats y we treasure the time we r able to come out as a group have fun and enjoy each other company...i wont talk more bout the killercrossover ball as others have been blogging bout it quite a bit but i am looking foward to try it out man lol..
regarding her i must say i have finally manage to get her out of my mind...it has really been too long but there is really a need for me to move on..she seems to have found another guy in rj from wad louis had told me and maybe this has been the finishing point for this tiring unknown feeling bout her..found this book in my shelf titled
即使你已经不再爱我了,即使你已经忘记我了
即使我已经从这个世界消失
我依然会爱着你
我会去找一个天使让他替我爱你
xk stepped on your garbage at
Monday, December 11, 2006
hmmm...it is 1.45 now currently watching arsenal winning chelsea and yeah tats the way i want it.lol...manu r 6 points clear now..haix..the sense of guilt is increasing as the holidays passed man..like quite alot of ppl have a job now and r working but i am still at home slacking occasionally helping dad but tats diff case la..even though i kept telling myself tat from now till cristmas theres only 2 weeks now and no ppl in the right mind will hire a 16 year old inexperience boy for a job for 2 weeks..but the sense of guilt is just there la...zzzz and oh fuk.......chelsea equalise..haix..things just dun go the way we want dun they..tats how life goes lol.
tomoro going out with the 2j boys but some reason i dun feel enthu..true tat we had not have a gathering for ages and this might be the last we r having with no class chalet going on and stuff..but i just dun feel enthu...haix..mood swing happens so often nowadays.i worry bout this and feel sad bout tat..maybe tats part of growing up..everynite at this period of day my mood turns down because of o lev....yeah true olev is over but the fact tat the result is the impactful one still remains..throughout my scondary school life i had yet to achieve one result sheet tat is up to satisfactory and this cert is one tat i cannot cok up tats y this uneasy feeling kept haunting me...
oo..the match end le..1-1 not bad la at least chelsea didnt win.lol..
her birthday is coming soon...i realli want to get her a bday present and wish her happi birthday for the last time..but it seems ages tat i last spoke to her and it also seems tat another better guy had appeared..haix..i realli dunno wad to do liao..tues even have this stupid idea of getting a present and take it to her house wish her happi bday and leave..impratical totally crappy but not impossible.........haix..wad should i do theres no one to help or advice me i realli dunno....shall it end all like this but considering the fact tat she didnt even wish me happi bday then...am i realli thinking too much..haix..i dunno i realli dunno...i am being to hate decision making...they r just too painful to make..life realli suks man...
lets hope this sleep will cure everything if i can sleep tonite
xk stepped on your garbage at
Thursday, December 07, 2006
back at the blog again..for some reason i had tons to say perhaps is because of the free time tat i have ba.just quitted ro.told ben tat i have no mood to play le which is true..playin suddenly seems so unattractive to me now.still cant get over the matter but feeling much better le at least i realised tat she may be better off somewhere now..haix..dunno wad to do these days..theres still 3 weeks more to jc life but honesty i am not looking forward to it...
true tat i am not expecting to go to some excellent jc with my mid year score of 30 plus..halving the score is already some improvement though not enough..time will still pass and wad comes will still arrive but at least i am trying to enjoy this remainding holidays but it is not tat easy to forget bit and pieces of wad i went through....
still feeling very tired.this weariness never seems to fade no matter how much rest i take.perhaphs this is life.this a burden tat we all must carry till the day we die..all i want for now is a sense of relief from everything..my helplessness had lead me to nowherebut i am glad to see tat we r close to an end for everything..hope tat i could stick with this promise of mine not to talk to u till my heart dies..i dun wanna sink into despair again
so long for now..sweet dreams to u who r already in dreamland...nitez
xk stepped on your garbage at
Monday, December 04, 2006
another 3 months had passed...prelim is over olevs r over and even grad nite is over...life is like wad i had expected..carefree and slacking but this is getting boring..strange to find out tat this had been the life tat i had been asking for but not anymore.at first wanted to find a job but couldnt find any and on top of tat my mood is falling..i feel tired and not only tat more of regretful..i want to go back to the past.i want to reexperience wad i went through.i want to correct the mistakes i made.i want to treasure wad i had once.i want to talk to you once more..
haix..feeling veri low rite now..doesnt feel tat bad then with all sorts of things occupying me but now with all this free time my mind began to wander..i dun know wad i want then but given the chance again i wont miss it and will never miss it but it is all too late.maybe tats y it is call the past..strange tat i always miss the past hate the present and question the future.i want to be given the chance to redo everything but i did not treasure the present like now.tat y this is call life isnt it..lol.i have so much to say so much to tell but i couldnt find a listening ear and i seems like this blog is the only audience for my feelings..no one will see this extinct blog anymore but i will contains my hardfelt feeling towards everything including to u..regrets is all i can say but to wad rights can i say i deserve to be remembered by u..let all these just be a memory a past for me something for me to learn and something for me to suffer for my own weakness
xk stepped on your garbage at
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
another month has passed and prelim had started at last..lol.did't feel much while taking the bio paper but suddenly feel so tired after it and hope of getting gd gardes might not be there after all..went to play some soccer after tat but haix...still as bad as ever if not worse...moment i went home i hit the sack and woke up like 4 hours later with a splitting headach until now...zzz.so tempted to pon school tomoro sia..teacher's day celebration wat crap la..
life still the very same with a lot more studying and alot less day dreaming..as martin says wat is impossible remains impossible but i at least wants those possible to appear..studying seems to get more tiring and i getting more and more lazy liao..dunno can endure until when...maybe i should be praying for miracles now..i need tons of them..started with nothing but ended with wad..if onli miracles can be bought..
xk stepped on your garbage at